Wedding speech opening lines that work.

It doesn't have to be your funniest line — that one comes later. It has to do three small things:

1. Get people to stop talking and look up.
2. Show you're in control of the room.
3. Promise them the speech is going to be worth the next five minutes.

• The promise-and-pivot. Promise not to say something, then immediately gesture at it.
• The cold open. One sharp sentence about the groom/bride before any preamble.
• The honest landing. Admit a real thing about how you feel right now.
• The specific detail. A tiny, true observation only you would notice.
• The toast forward. Open by hinting at what you're going to toast at the end.

""Tom asked me to be best man because, in his words, I was the safe choice. I'd like everyone here to take a moment to imagine the others.""

""I've been writing this speech for nine months. Tom proposed eleven months ago. So we're both a bit late.""

""There are two things you should know about Tom. He's a brilliant friend. And his confidence has never once been backed up by evidence.""

""I promised Sarah I wouldn't tell the story about Lisbon. So I'll just say — Tom, you owe Portugal an apology.""

""Standing in front of 120 people to talk about your best mate's love life is exactly what every introvert dreams of.""

""I want to start by thanking the bar staff. You don't know it yet, but you're about to become the most important people in this room.""

""I'll keep this short, because Tom asked me to. And, as Sarah will tell you, doing what Tom asks is now my entire job description.""

""When Tom asked me to be best man, I said yes immediately. Then I read what 'best man' actually involves and I tried to take it back.""

""For those of you who don't know me — congratulations on a peaceful life.""

""I've known Tom for twenty years. In that time, he has been confidently wrong about an extraordinary number of things. Today is not one of them.""

""I've known Sarah since we were seven. She was already kinder than the rest of us. She still is.""

""There are very few people in your life whose phone call you'd answer at any time, on any day. Sarah is one of mine.""

""I've watched Sarah fall in love before. But this is the first time she's slowed down to enjoy it.""

""Today is the second-best day of Sarah's life. The best was the day she met Tom — she just didn't know it yet.""

""I was warned not to cry in this speech. So please bear with me — I'm one paragraph in and already losing.""

""On behalf of Anna and me, welcome — to our oldest friends, our newest family, and the people Sarah has somehow collected from every corner of her life.""

""There's a thing nobody tells you about being a father of daughters: the day you stop being the most important man in their life sneaks up on you. Today, it stops sneaking.""

""When Tom asked for Sarah's hand, I said yes — because Sarah had already decided, and I learned years ago not to argue with her.""

""I've been practising this speech in the kitchen all week. Anna says I've been getting better. The dog disagrees.""

""Thank you all for being here. Sarah has wanted this room full since she was about eight.""

""On behalf of my wife and me — that's the first time I've said that, and I'd like a moment to enjoy it.""

""I want to start by saying thank you to two people, which is genuinely the only part of this speech I rehearsed without crying.""

""Sarah, I had a whole speech written. Then I saw you walk in this morning and I'm now mostly improvising.""

""This is the easiest speech I'll ever give. I just have to talk about the best person I know.""

""Before I start — to anyone here who told me I'd never settle down: I'd like to formally acknowledge you were correct.""

• "For those of you who don't know me…"
• "I'll try to keep this short…"
• "According to Google, marriage is…"
• "They say behind every great man…"
• "I'm not used to public speaking…"
• Any quote from Oscar Wilde you found in the first row of search results.